Stepping Forward

COURAGE

What  is courage? Where does it comes from? What does it means?

How can one get enough courage?

It has been a very hard road towards moving that huge rock in front

of my life. Knowing that what is behind that rock is very difficult. The smell that will come out will be a huge impact. That rock has been hiding a huge part of me for the past three years. Nevertheless, that part of my life is very important to me. It is time for me to get back and to show that only God can really finish my life. While God allows me to wake up one more day, it means I am alive and God is on my side.

After many days of research and study and money paid for advise, seems it is beginning to pay off. Many things cost money,while others are priceless. The darkness saw its priceless light on a Valentine's Day. A real revelation of pure love.

Darkness still battling to over shadow the light but I am holding on to God's promises and His never ending strength. The day came when I had to take a stand in fear. I really thought that is was just going to be re-scheduled but the magistrate was serious and called the other party with no signs of appearance. Of course, I was going
to object, but there was no need. While I waited for almost an hour, I prayed and remembered that this battle belongs to the Lord; 




And that all this assembly may know that the Lord does not deliver by sword
or by spear; for the battle is the Lord's and he will give you into our hands."  
1 Samuel 17: 47 NASB


So, I just declared to God  that I trusted Him to have place His angel armies in the right place. And so they were. Went in and once told that the case was being heard with just me, I pulled my evidence and the case was ruled on my favor. I was speechless and more importantly tearless. All I had was a heart full of thanksgiving, praise, joy and peace. God had won one battle and glory be to His Holy Precious Name. 

I shall have time with my precious child Joseph, whom was taken away and sold out by his brothers. There is still more to battle with but God has always been in control and will always be, so His majesty will be revealed.

New Year, New Strength, New Resolutions

J U S T I C E

What is Justice? Justice is just another word that has many meanings. It depends on one's perception. It also depends on ones' level of knowledge. It is very often that this word such as many others become misused and it all depends according to the user's knowledge or benefits. 

Justice can be one of law. Law is not always just. Many cases have been known that justice was not serve correctly and as it should have been. For example, years ago in the case of O.J.Simpson and not that far back in the State of Florida, the case of Casey Anthony. Many cases go wrong and the hands of the innocent are tied or in reality, Justice was not done!

Many other cases never made it to the media attention and yet the same fate was on them and they were as hard as for the ones that were made known throughout the media to the whole nation and world.

Justice can be one of treatment. Many people are mistreated. They are not being treated justly as they deserve. Many use it as when the person do not deserve to be treated justly. What does that really means? Is it not that each one of us is a human being and therefore should be treated with justice and respect? Why are so many involved in continual judgement of others? 

Some are judged for how they look, how they dress, how they act, how they react, how they were or who they were in the past, and many other ways that are used just to avoid treating others with the justice and respect they deserve.

There is only one Justice that is fulfilled and never fails.

 God's Justice. 

The problem is that for many like me, sometimes if not often, doubt it because it is not done at the time we desire. 

The good news is that it will be done even if we are not on this earth anymore. His justice will never fail. It might take generations, but it will surely come.

I personally have been struggling with many injustices in my life. Even if I grasp the concept of Jesus and the death of Lazarus: 

Jesus, once more deeply moved, came to the tomb. It was a cave with a stone laid across the entrance. "Take away the stone", he said. "But Lord", said Martha, the sister of the dead man, "by this time there is a bad odor, for he has been there four days." Then Jesus said, "Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God." So they took away the stone.....

John 11:38-41 a

I still have not seen myself to step up to do what I need to do. I have a huge cave with an enormous giant heavy stone at its entrance. I keep waiting for Jesus to make the miracle and he is not doing it. I have to move the stone myself. I have been so scared. Not only due to the size of the stone but for the odor that lies behind it. Unfortunately for me, until I move this stone, the Glory of god will not be shown. I have tried but not hard enough. Tomorrow I will give it one more push and I am praying that strength will stay to move it completely. It will require all of me and then some. For strength, composure, money, determination and lots of courage will be needed. I asked one of the pastors at church today to pray for the season that I am entering and the steps I will be taking. All this time I have felt chained to my impossibilities, fear, disappointments, sorrows and deep pain.

It is just a leap of faith I have to take. We all should most of the time if not all the time. What have I been waiting for? Jesus came to seek the lost. Angels in heaven rejoice when a soul finds it way back to God. It is time for me too. It is time for me to go and seek the lost, recover what has been lost or taken.

 For then the glory of God will shine brighter than anyone has ever seen or imagine!

Expect The Unexpectable

What To Expect

Sometimes, many of us expect little things while others expect big things. Even the littlest of expectation can set us up for a big disappointment. We strive for changes but many times we expect others to change for us and there is where disappointments come an make our lives difficult. Sometimes we expect from others to be who we want them to be, even to give us what we want (many cases, we can give it to ourselves) or to do for us what we desire to be given.

I have learn late in life that when we place expectations on things or other people is when we hurt the most. It is surely hard to go at it alone so we expect from others to makes us feel good. Wrong. We need to know that feelings are a huge door for hurt, disappointments and even tears.

I have learned is that I can make myself happy and being content with all that I can give unto others.

I am not a big giver when it comes to financial or material things. I give as I can but I mainly give of my time and my heart. The main problem is that others might have not learned the same things I have or maybe at a lower scale. Leaving me therefore, drained and appall that no matter how much I give, people are just not thankful about any little given to them. Making me fell that I should be giving more and more constantly. They seem disappointed when I give out of love.

Sometimes, others forget that I too am a human being. That I have needs and especially the need to be able to replenish myself to be able to offer again to others. Once a therapist told me,

"You cannot give what you do not have. You have to be able to fill up the bag of goodies again in order to be able to give again."

The Bible tells me that I have been given so I can give and if I do not give, I will not be able to receive. 

Also during these past days with the celebration of Christmas, If Santa were real, and he is not, he comes only once a year. He need to replenish throughout the year to be able to come back with a bag full of goods.  Unfortunately, for many, including my children, I have never believed in Santa. It is ok for others if they want but my disappointment was so great that I decided to never lie to my children. That way they are not disappointed when I have to  let them know the truth. Therefore, If I do not lie about a Santa, then they can never call me a liar. Lol!  Funny that it was my way of thinking or at least that was my perception. I still do not celebrate Santa but I rejoice in the celebration of the day that Christ was born. The day that all humanity was given the greatest gift ever. Yet so many still fill up the malls and even with complaints of a hard economy, millions of people spent a lot for gift giving during holidays.

It is unbelieable how churches get so vastly full with the presence of people that only go on special occasions. This deeply makes me sad in a sense that we all should be paying tribute and rejoicing all the time. These are my brothers that I take to heart. Sadly, once or twice a year is not enough to honor Our Creator. It should be often if not constantly. But then again, this is my personal view. On the other hand, I am glad that they made the effort. Whether it was as a custom or to call attention to themselves or others projecting someone they might not be often. 

I guess, I too expect people to be what they should be and act how they should act.

 

DESOLATION

Sometimes when you retrieve yourself for a period of time, it can be labeled as a desolation time. It can be so many things at once that maybe the word desolation might not be the most appropiate one. That is the beauty of being human.

I, for example, have desolated myself for a big while. That is one of the major reasons I have not been around any of the sites of the internet. I have checked my emails because they come straight to my phone and it is only very rarely that I do because in my new workplace, my cell is on complete silence, like off most of the day. I get home and I silence it again because I have to deal with my inner person as well as with other situations I have at home.

I cannot say that I am better off completely away from so many people I know and that I dearly love even if I have never met them in person. Humans were created for relationships of all kinds. I miss them all and some more than others. Many are so supportive, understanding and just plain lovely people.

Much of my situation have not changed much in a few sence but in others aspects, OH, MY, They have really made a complete turn around.

I have a new workplace close to the end of the year and it has a lot of benefits, better pay and it is amore reliable company. But like everything in this world, nothing is perfect. I have a big share of disapppointments. I am being micromanaged to the point of huge stress on a daily basis. I am so glad that I read the Word of God daily and I am in constant communication with God because it can really take me out of what I consider my comfort zone. Then I have to come home to deal with my home life. Car troubles and finances do not help much but Hey, it is all part of life! The main focus here is that I am given a new chance every day to start all over again, even if I do the same things daily.

There is nothing more refreshing than to get up in the morning and sip a warm cup of coffee out in the porch, listening to the birds and await for the very first signs of light to show up. Have the Word of God in front of me while I thankfully pray for all the things that God has given me like:

A new life every day, people in my life whether for long or short periods of time, my children that even if they are away from me, I love them and ask for their well being and lots of blessings for them and their family, Pray for my little guy whom I miss the most and cannot wait until I am given the chance to be with him again and all I ask is for God to hold him tight in the most inner part of His heart, Pray for very special people like the one I share a big part of my smiles and tears with, For all the people God has allowed one way or another to have been in my path for different reasons, and also for the ones I will encounter during the day whether in person or over the phone through my work, and definately for those I work with so my day is a bit more easier.

This will help me go through "the strectch" and hope to reach the big opening at the end of my daily journey. It is not until I am done through it all that I can finally be able to enjoy the end reward. That peace at the end of the day knowing that "I made it". Where the light is brighter, sun warmer, nights are peaceful and I can enjoy the rest of the Lord and His Divine Presence.

It is not until then that I will be glad that I worked very hard on my patience, that I am striving without giving up, that I have gone through with dignity and with the greatest help ever,

GOD

It is not until then that I will be able to enjoy the rest of the things that God has given me. I have been given the chance to go back to school and get some "eye burning time".It will be hard because I will be doing it once a wek and that means, the work will be harder to compensate. But where the opportunity lies in is the fact atht I will be with a group of people where teh common denominator is the only person I Love and want to be with: GOD.

I hope to be able to collectively work with a group to see problems with God's eyes and find ways to help those in need, to be able to understand them better and practically, learning more and more with each and every one.

Well, It is late for me and need to be up soon again but I wish everyone the best in life and that during this Christmas Season, a new hope, love and joy be born in your hearts, regardless of how rude the world is. My thoughts are with those long suffering in Conneticut as well as in other parts of the world.

 Blessings to you all!

Do we struggle through life?

Why do we struggle?

Why does it happens to me?

Why does God allows this in my life?

How can I stop struggling?

Why me?

All these questions are valid to ask. All are profoundly felt deep inside of us at any given time. Sometimes more often than we would preffer. As Frederick Douglas quoted -"Whithout a struggle, there can be no progress"

The Bible pretty much say the same thing. We cannot grow and develop character without struggles and hard circumstances. I am finding myself like I am tired of all the struggles but then again, I have to embrace them because they are what will make me strong. Not of my own strength but allowing the strength of Christ who is now in me. I have to break it to you, I am not a righteous one, I am only seen that way by God and that makes me feel good. But it still does worries me that I cannot spend just 24 hours and be in good standing, by the law of God, perfect at least that little of time. That it is a struggle, my friend.

But many struggles come to us all the time. I have struggled with a very deep wound for the past 3 years. Things continue to get complicated even if there is a little light by the tunnel, something or someone closes it shut again or makes it even darker.

 

After 3 years of not hearing from daugther after she bluntly told me not to contact her ever, she texted me. I pretty much wanted to pass out,lol but I held it together. She obviously was trying to see how much she can reel me in. I stayed put. She apologized and wished me a good day. I am ok with that. I might have loss the opportunity of being with her one more time, meet my grand-daughter, hug her once more... But at the same time I might have also missed the opportunity to hurt, be reminded of the wounds inflicted,betrayed one more time, who knows. So far, God has kept me firm and even if I missed any of the good things, I am sure that if her desire is to reconcile, she will contact me again. If not, I am still on the wonderful side of God.

Listening now to Lifeline by Mandisa

Lifeline lyrics

Here I am drowning in
A sea of my own choices
Holding to hope by a thread (Yeah)
I'm looking 'round, I'm calling out
Fear pulls me down
When the waters rush over my head
Chorus:
You are my lifeline
You are my rescue
Strength in my weakness
Light in my darkness
You are my safety
Lifter of my head
The air that I need when I can't seem to breathe in
You are my lifeline
You are my lifeline

How many times, how many turns
Will it take 'till I learn
You reach for me in my need (Yeah)
And when I cry I know that I'll
Faithfully find you
When life comes crashing on me

Chorus:
You are my lifeline
You are my rescue
Strength in my weakness
Light in my darkness
You are my safety
Lifter of my head
The air that I need when I can't seem to breathe in
You are my lifeline
You are my lifeline

You're there in my brokenness, in my distress
My rock when I'm strong or when I'm powerless
You hold me in rushing tides when waters rise
And I'll always find

Chorus:
You are my lifeline
You are my rescue
Strength in my weakness
Light in my darkness
You are my safety
Lifter of my head
The air that I need when I can't seem to breathe in
(Repeat once)

You are my lifeline
You are my lifeline
You are my lifeline
You are my lifeline

I want to take this time to thank those who are following this blog and those who stop by to just read and maybe understand one more person in this world. Even those who maybe stop by to compare themselves to some of the writtings I do. I am not a writer, that is for sure. I wish I could write beautiful things. Things that I have inside my heart and maybe publish a book.

But for now, I really want to say thank you to you who visited and also would like to offer a special prayer for the people that have touched my life.

Heavenly Father, I come humbly unto thy presence to ask you for blessings for these angels who at some point in my life, you have allowed them to be an angel of your light and compassion. Those who are also your children of love and that you have given them the time to care, listen and help this distressed daughter of yours. I thank you Lord for I am not where I was and yet you have so much for me to do. Please Father, bless Ivonne and William; Digna and her family; Carmen, my beloved friend and her family; Helen and Paul Poulgar; Yushin Lee and her family; Gil Rodriguez and his family; Dr Kubiak at Veterans Health Center; Sabrina Crook and her family (my landlord). Also Lord take this people and keep them in your heart Dennis Rickens; Tracy Olson; Jennifer Olson. And please never let go of my treasured children Marie and her family; Vincent and his family and my precious Joseph