Do we struggle through life?

Why do we struggle?

Why does it happens to me?

Why does God allows this in my life?

How can I stop struggling?

Why me?

All these questions are valid to ask. All are profoundly felt deep inside of us at any given time. Sometimes more often than we would preffer. As Frederick Douglas quoted -"Whithout a struggle, there can be no progress"

The Bible pretty much say the same thing. We cannot grow and develop character without struggles and hard circumstances. I am finding myself like I am tired of all the struggles but then again, I have to embrace them because they are what will make me strong. Not of my own strength but allowing the strength of Christ who is now in me. I have to break it to you, I am not a righteous one, I am only seen that way by God and that makes me feel good. But it still does worries me that I cannot spend just 24 hours and be in good standing, by the law of God, perfect at least that little of time. That it is a struggle, my friend.

But many struggles come to us all the time. I have struggled with a very deep wound for the past 3 years. Things continue to get complicated even if there is a little light by the tunnel, something or someone closes it shut again or makes it even darker.

 

After 3 years of not hearing from daugther after she bluntly told me not to contact her ever, she texted me. I pretty much wanted to pass out,lol but I held it together. She obviously was trying to see how much she can reel me in. I stayed put. She apologized and wished me a good day. I am ok with that. I might have loss the opportunity of being with her one more time, meet my grand-daughter, hug her once more... But at the same time I might have also missed the opportunity to hurt, be reminded of the wounds inflicted,betrayed one more time, who knows. So far, God has kept me firm and even if I missed any of the good things, I am sure that if her desire is to reconcile, she will contact me again. If not, I am still on the wonderful side of God.

Listening now to Lifeline by Mandisa

Lifeline lyrics

Here I am drowning in
A sea of my own choices
Holding to hope by a thread (Yeah)
I'm looking 'round, I'm calling out
Fear pulls me down
When the waters rush over my head
Chorus:
You are my lifeline
You are my rescue
Strength in my weakness
Light in my darkness
You are my safety
Lifter of my head
The air that I need when I can't seem to breathe in
You are my lifeline
You are my lifeline

How many times, how many turns
Will it take 'till I learn
You reach for me in my need (Yeah)
And when I cry I know that I'll
Faithfully find you
When life comes crashing on me

Chorus:
You are my lifeline
You are my rescue
Strength in my weakness
Light in my darkness
You are my safety
Lifter of my head
The air that I need when I can't seem to breathe in
You are my lifeline
You are my lifeline

You're there in my brokenness, in my distress
My rock when I'm strong or when I'm powerless
You hold me in rushing tides when waters rise
And I'll always find

Chorus:
You are my lifeline
You are my rescue
Strength in my weakness
Light in my darkness
You are my safety
Lifter of my head
The air that I need when I can't seem to breathe in
(Repeat once)

You are my lifeline
You are my lifeline
You are my lifeline
You are my lifeline

I want to take this time to thank those who are following this blog and those who stop by to just read and maybe understand one more person in this world. Even those who maybe stop by to compare themselves to some of the writtings I do. I am not a writer, that is for sure. I wish I could write beautiful things. Things that I have inside my heart and maybe publish a book.

But for now, I really want to say thank you to you who visited and also would like to offer a special prayer for the people that have touched my life.

Heavenly Father, I come humbly unto thy presence to ask you for blessings for these angels who at some point in my life, you have allowed them to be an angel of your light and compassion. Those who are also your children of love and that you have given them the time to care, listen and help this distressed daughter of yours. I thank you Lord for I am not where I was and yet you have so much for me to do. Please Father, bless Ivonne and William; Digna and her family; Carmen, my beloved friend and her family; Helen and Paul Poulgar; Yushin Lee and her family; Gil Rodriguez and his family; Dr Kubiak at Veterans Health Center; Sabrina Crook and her family (my landlord). Also Lord take this people and keep them in your heart Dennis Rickens; Tracy Olson; Jennifer Olson. And please never let go of my treasured children Marie and her family; Vincent and his family and my precious Joseph

Would it be nice if all was the way we would like them to be?

After many years and so much work I put on to build an online name in the selling community of eBay and other venues, when what was my world crumbled, I am still up and running the race of life. I am not selling as I would like to because circumstances have shifted me to another ways.

I continue to struggle with the fact that my blood is gone. I still struggle with not having the right time nor money to set the situation straight once and for all. After all, with all the evidence at hand, I can get a good lawyer and bring back at least my baby home where he belongs.

There is this saying; "Money talks and everything else walks" . Not really that way but this way is more polite and more like the way I am today.

It was a very rough month in June and that is why I was away and not writing much. I think or can be called I was so brittle that I had to "hook myself to the Vine" (John 15:1-17)

Still feel desolated and like I am going through rough changes (prunning). I have a very difficult desicion to make and I have no clue how to do it. Needless to say, I have no clue how to let this special person know my desicion without offense.

Of course I can use the parable of the "Good Samaritan". Let the person see that I did what I could and it is time for me to move on and care for my business.

Which reminded me of a preacher that used it as in today's world. If the Good Samaritan had stayed, he would have lost his IRA's, Stocks, and everything he was on his way to care for when found the wounded.

Sometimes, we do not do enough. Sometimes, we do more than enough and yet the person we are helping learns to manipulate us in such a way that we feel like less Christians if we stop helping and providing.

When you have Scriptures become or be revealed unto your life, sometimes it could be scary but also a good thing.

Remember my favorite scripture?

Jeremiah 29:11 " For I know the plans I have for you to prosper you and not to harm you"

Well, I have had many fulfillments of Scriptures in a very blessed way also and the not too scary after all. After 10 years of what I though of a happy marriage. I lost everything and everyone, but the very two important things I gained was God and my health.

I mainly felt like a dragon all day and all night. Hurtburns all the time. My cholesterol was all messed up as well as my blood presure. I could say that even though I thought I was "Happily Married" my doctors could not agree with me at all. Once that marriage was over, OMG! My health improved. I lost weight, and even in the worse of circumstances, I was a 5 star champion when it came to my health.

Even through the pain, things keep getting better every day. I like my job even if some days I wish I was not here. Overall, what I like is the idea of being nice to people and helping as much as possible. I have also had the opportunity to meet and talk to lovely people in the US and other countries. They are beautiful people. They even teach me a few words in their language. Of course, if I put them all together, I still will not have one sentence in no language,lol

There are many things that still come through in my life. At one point I was doing surveys inside busses of the public transportation system and most of the busses stopped at the downtown area. I was able to see many areas, learned around the city of which I lived but not traveled around at all, and also was able to see lots of poverty. Homeless people gathering in areas. Sleeping in the most unhumane conditions. I was able to see pain, addiction, sorrow, loneliness. I remember praying every day to God to allow me to see with His eyes. It was a sad yet a wonderful experience.

I was there practically, I was homeless once, lonely without any family, children nor husband. I was destituded by everyone I have ever known. But the face of God's grace came to me and stayed with me unto this day. I am sure that I will fall but He who is with me, will hold me and help me back up once again!

Grace "Continuance" Part Three

Joyce Meyer posted this devotional a few weeks ago:

But You, O Lord, are a shield for me, my glory, and the lifter of my head.

—Psalm 3:3
When you feel down, everything around you seems to fall apart, and you begin to lose your strength. Your head and hands and heart begin to droop. Even your eyes and your voice are lowered.You are downcast because you are looking at your problems, and this only makes you feel worse. Sometimes you are tempted to say, "Oh, what's the use?" and just give up. But God is waiting for you to lift up your eyes and look to Him for help.Life will always bring discouraging situations, but you don't have to let them get you down. Despite life's distressing circumstances, you can be confident in the Lord, the lifter of your head.

Lift up your eyes, hands, head, and heart and look not at your problems, but at the one who has promised to see you through to victory. Smile . . . it will lift your spirit.

I think I have tried for the longest to live by these words and it is not easy. Everyday you encounter so many people in the road, at work and just everywhere and they all have a complete different outlook at life and it does confuses you. At least, I do confess that I have felt confused. But there is at least one reassurance in my life and it is my other favorite Scripture.

"The grass withers and the flowers fall,

but the word of our God endures forever. ” Isaiah 40:8

Not only the word of God endures forever but it surely becomes part of you. It does get kind of scary when you see Scripture being fully develop in your life.

I remember one time I was at a game with my little child and one person came to see us which it was odd but thought it could be for support for the little guy anyways. That person came over to me and hugged me and kiss me. At that moment the only thing that came to my mind was:

"Judas, are you betraying the Son of Man with a kiss?" Luke 22:48

 

Now that was one of the clearest revelations I have had since I came to know Christ as my Savior. It was completely disturbing especially the special person it was, the roll it had in my life and how that person became an enemy I could have never suspected sharing my own blood.

It has been a long road. Not an easy one but I have found contentment. I have made so many changes that I never thought I would. Therefore, Grace continues........

Grace  "Continuance"  Part Two

There will be storms, child there will be storms. And with each tempest, you will seem to stand alone against cruel winds; but with time, the rage and fury shall subside. And when the sky clears, you will find yourself clinging to someone, You would have never known, but for storms.

by Margie DeMerell

 

Things only got worse for me. Even walking under guidance, I still made mistakes. I thought that it was all about trust now? I trusted the wrong people, again, but this time from the church. Still naive, new in the faith and what was I thinking?

Later on, after few months almost a year after, having so much difficulty coping with the fact that my baby was so far away from me, unable to talk to him on the phone, it was just a complete nightmare that got even worse when the people I trusted from the church just sold me out. One person had the wrong idea and when I spoke, the person went telling everyone what ever desired was at heart and then I was completely left on the streets. I had just moved to a nice warm cozy Chevy Blazer 1997.

"For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning." Psalm 30:5 (NIV)

A few weeks after that, with no job and homeless, a beautiful lady from Honduras took me in her home. She and her husband were the rejoicing that came after the storm, sent angels to care for me as promised in the Word of God. I few weeks after that I found some odd jobs and finally found a more steady job but working the graveyard shift. A few months in that job, I was able to pick up some extra hours and began paying some old bills. Not much but at least was able to pay the child support.

All of a sudden after 6 months in that job and living in a rented room, paying storage for the little I still was able to keep, I got a call for another employment. I just went to the interview just for the experience again and hoping to find something not working from night to morning. Little did I know and as usual, thinking that God was just silent with me again, I get fired from the night job and I was not even in shock. I remember as that day at 7am when told, I just said OK, I will be beck in 10 minutes to bring the uniforms. Did so and got a call from that other job I had interviewed and was offered a job for the evenings and paying $2.00 more. What a Blessing, right?

But wait, there was more. Got called by my veteran social worker and was offered and approved a voucher for my very own apartment. Within 3 weeks I was moved unto my apartment, lots of boxes, and a new job.

"For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord. plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV) (my favorite verse)