Now You Have It, Now You Don't

Now You Have It, Now You Don't

This is an interesting phrase that more than often is revealed in our lives and we barely pay much attention on less it is a change that is huge in our lives. But it happens almost every day.

You were young this morning and now a day has been gone and there is no way to get it back. All we have is another day in front of us, if we make it one more day. 

I have lost my family in a way that it has hurt more than I could ever imagine. Maybe I was ready to loose my parents and my family but never thought of loosing my children in a despicable way. Nevertheless, many have lost their spouses and children to death which is not my case.

I sometimes think what would I do if I loose my children to death. The mourning would be horrible. The time will pass and will miss them but life continues. The problem lies on how to continue with life. 

I struggle with this every day and I have not lost them to death. They have completely rejected me and I barely have a clue as to why or what. I have felt sometimes as I am not worthy of living since they are so ashamed of me, and all I recall is trying my best to keep them with me as long as possible. To be there when they needed and to teach them the meaning of life. 

I was wrong in their eyes. They only see my flaws. They never saw any good in me. Therefore, rejection has been a huge part of my life since birth.

I was given away at birth. That was my first rejection. later in life when I managed to speak with her and be friendly, she wanted me to give her my firstborn because I was too young. I fought that one and stopped barely talking to her. I know it was hard for her to understand and I was settled that I was not giving my child away as I was given away myself by her. Storms never ceased. They kept coming. Lack of employment, and adequate shelter for my children always drew me to find other ways to provide. I never did drugs or did anything illegal. My grandparents raised me well.

But storms keep coming and all I can do is seek shelter and do the best I can. My sweet little Joseph is the one that is caught up in the middle of a storm that someone else began and got sent my way. That person knows who she is and what she wanted and how to get it. Very determined woman, I would say. Nevertheless, what we do wrong to others will hunt us for the rest of our lives. One might seem mighty and powerful but there is no peace in the sub-unconscious and it will move outwards sooner if not later in life. 

There is nothing that we cannot uphold in this life. We are capable of many things. The best is always yet to come for each and everyone of us. The key is to be humble and allowed to be calmed during the storm, to be hold and to be with peace inside knowing that everything that happens will have an outcome.

 I have been so blessed in the most difficult times in my life. I have met people with such a beautiful heart. I have young women that call me, mom, mother and treat me with such respect and loving care. I have met people that have done more than enough for me such as getting up early on their day off to accompany me to the hospital and stay by my bedside. People that pray for me and my children. 

Just these days I had this beautiful young lady who is going through a huge storm in her life and spoke to me with such confident and love that made me realize that God is always with me. Silly me just like you, forget that God is in complete control. That there is good in people and that we should never give up on anyone. She is about 30 and she is a very strong woman that I admire. I am honored to be taking classes with her. Therefore, why wait for my older children to come home? I have other children to care for and I am blessed by them. I will continue to pray for my children to come home and continue to request that what they have done is not repeated in their lives because I do not want them to suffer as I have. For my Joseph I will continue to fight. The Lord is with those who love him and He is the Love of My Life!

Are you ready to move forward and not waist one more minute?